“When people find themselves in difficult and challenging situations, life can seem a very tough uphill struggle. The situation may not have obvious routes to acquire help or in my case, I didn’t even realise I needed help.

When my mam,  became ill with vascular dementia, she managed it for quite some time without any particular help or assistance. Unfortunately, in January of this year, her condition took a rapid downward spiral. As a result, I became her main carer and after some time her sole carer. Her partner is elderly and was exhausted from efforts to assist me. When this was identified, the burden of providing full time care lay with me.

This also coincided with a change in personal circumstances which presented challenging situations with both work and private life.

It wasn’t long before I realised that I was falling short with the care required as her condition declined at a rate which was unexpected.

I can honestly say that I didn’t realise how providing this care had isolated me. My mam took priority but with hindsight I can now see how I had neglected to take care of myself and my mental health during this challenging time.

It was at this point that the intervention of memory services and Hospice of the Valleys began a change in our lives. By coordinating efforts to provide help and specialist care, the Hospice provided help that provided respite for both mam and myself.

The care shown by yourself and your colleagues was amazing. Your care towards helping mam both at home and at the drop-in centre was world class. The drop-in centre allowed me to have my life back for a couple of hours once a week.

Each time mam attended, it warmed my heart to see her being cared for so wonderfully. She was at her happiest for a long time. It provided interaction and stimulus that I was unable to provide. Mam was always reluctant to leave as she was clearly loving the singing, dancing, quizzes and basic social interaction with other attendees. We quite often left and sang songs in the car on the way home. Memories I will cherish forever.

I was also helped with coping strategies as I watched my mam disappear before my eyes. Physically she was still there but her cognitive decline meant I was losing more of her every day. This helped me to cope. I will be eternally grateful.

Mam is now safely in full time care. Despite the last year being one of the most challenging I’ve ever faced, after the Hospice entered our lives, I had hope that mam was receiving what she needed and I didn’t have to sacrifice all of me to make sure that happened.

This may sound selfish but those hours I had to myself were some of the most precious hours spent towards saving my mental health and being me again.

I will always be grateful for all your help in such difficult times.

It’s when times are at their darkest that angels whisper to you “we are with you”

Thank you so much for being with us.”